So beautiful. My beloved Dad, aged 95 just emailed me in response to this post. It’s been a hard week: “You know that ageing is not just physical but mental and spiritual. One impacts the other. Resilience is not automatic but is like the last few metres of a run or a climb. It leaves you breathless and panting and aching. The older you are the harder it gets.” 🥰🤗🫶
What great insight. It reminded me of our trip to the Bamboo Forest in Hana Hawaii. We hiked the trail to the waterfall last year and we couldn't believe how hard it was compared to when we did it 11 years earlier! It was a piece of cake back then; this time it was a struggle!
Hello again readers. You might be interested in this article which is along the lines of what I tried to say. Let's keep the conversation going! All views are welcome.
I've actually bought Berit Lewis's book (mentioned in the link) and I'll post a review in a few weeks.
Jane, A wonderful article. I'm pushing 74 and the awareness of my mortality smacked me on the head when my sis died last year at 77, the last of our family. It's been a struggle but after almost a year has passed I am looking at my life as instead of entering art shows, and doing stuff for myself, I want to do more for others. Work on enriching those relationships I have now, and also learning new things. I'm never going to roller blade again, run any races, or climb that tall ladder and clean gutters, but I still have a lot of things I can do. I'm fortunate I can afford good health insurance, healthy food, and a safe place to sleep. I'm embracing this time of life as best I can, doing what I can do, being as active as possible, but realizing as with the roller blades, some things I used to love to do are no longer a wise choice.
Hello again, Jane. I have enjoyed your newsletters, particularly about your Mum and the Shanghai connection. I have a soft spot for the older Shanghai where I spent about two years in total between 1983 and 1987 - on a World Bank project (supported by Aust-funded) assistance on cleaning up the Huangpu, public transport, traffic management and old terrace housing upgrading. Nothing much had changed in 40+ years and I loved wandering round the old streets.
I took the liberty of passing on one of your newsletters to an old (Brit) friend in HK ... and I quote from his response (he had a journalist background) : "I didn't realise the Hutcheons were an old colonial Shanghai family. They're a dying breed here, literally. Towards the end of her life, Ann Marden (widow of John, last taipan of Wheelock Marden before he sold it to Y.K. Pao in the mid-1980s) was a friend of ours, a stalwart of our CNY barbecues and hostess of many a convivial lunch party in her huge garden at Shek O. Ann was born in Shanghai (as was her husband) and spent only brief periods of her life outside China/HK. She died in 2022 aged 96. Because of covid there a family-only funeral but we attended a memorial service for her last year. The top echelons turned out in force: Carrie Lam to the fore. Ann was a very nice lady, much involved in charitable causes. She had a caustic sense of humour, sometimes missed by people who were fooled by her gentle manner."
You are in that transition stage - and as with any transition (child to teen for example) comes increased anxiety. My advice (now in mid 70s) is to be wary of letting anxiety rule your thoughts or actions on anything. It will affect them, but it can become the boss if your not watching for it.
I find the trick to lowering anxiety about something is not treat all those questions as rhetorical "OMG" questions, but as genuine questions and then find genuine answers to them. It sounds like that's exactly what you intend to do Jane.
And don't be talked into decline by those around you - I sometimes can't recall things - but then I recall that as a teenager, before exams I could hardy recall the stuff I just studied the night before. I forget names - but always have and I'm actually better at name recall now than I was when younger. I work on it now and take less things for granted, especially fitness. We get away with self neglect when we are young but not as we age, so I am finding that I have gained an appreciation of the way bodies work, now that I have to give it some focus.
It is not all loss (unless we just focus on loss).
Importantly - you need a sense of humour to age (any age) successfully. Humour is like life's binoculars - it enables you to see things beyond the anxiety.
Thanks so much for your response. I think sometimes readers think the writing is the writer, Neil, but I appreciate your goodwill and you make some good observations. Many thanks.
Different perspectives, but do not mean to appear selfish. I'm healthy, eat "sensibly", reasonably fit and active in all sorts of things. Although most of my friends and associates are 65+, I tend to avoid ageing/ ageist subjects. PS. Jane, we met on a Sydney tram near QVB about a year ago and had a nice chat, mainly about Hong Kong. I'm 85.
Hi John, I remember you and nice to hear from you. You looked in excellent form then and I hope you are going well now. Thanks for joining the conversation.
I wanted to protect everyone’s privacy on wordpress so I dialled the privacy settings up to the point where I worked with a small group, rather than post publicly.
My mindset is to take advantage of my capabilities which help me to feel well. I respond well to taking part in team sports eg doubles badminton, petanique. I am not in denial about the slowing aspects of ageing but I also know that it is possible to continue to be a productive contributor but at a more gradual pace.
Sixty next year and improving with age (and in my usefulness as well). My hands haven’t experienced the hardships my father’s hands had but I feel I carry a certain amount of his experience, either epi-genetically or in my personality framework. I have felt its burden for many years. As I age and understand more, I feel this burden (and it’s stigma) lifting. Or maybe it IS resilience.
Aw, shucks. Thank you for the mention, Jane. We agree that there's something important happening in how we look at knowledge, purpose, and lifespan. Here at Projectkin.substack.com we focus on family storytelling. We talk about technology mostly to make it disappear. It shouldn't get in the way of the important work of storytelling.
Unfortunately, it does get in the way.
Collaborating and supporting each other we can help contextualize and explain these new widgets while focusing on the stories. We can remind each other what's important about the stories and stay focused. Storytelling makes the most of our acquired knowledge while minimally affected by our somewhat limited physical strength. It's a wonderful use of time during this precious period.
Aging is a completely natural process and we know our time in this juvenile phase is limited. At some point, our faculties will weaken, but not yet. Our skills and careers have been established, and we're no longer bothered by petty vanities. Our progeny are generally grown. They need our support, but not our hovering.
This is such an important time. Let's make the most of it. 🎉
Nice to hear from you, Mike. I am a big admirer of your work, as you know. I feel as if there is a lot of 'inspiration' out there but not a lot about mindset. And I need to be first in line. We can't all go to MEA although it would be great to build something like that. Here in AU it seems we like to offer older Australians lots of alcohol and insurance. Why not offer more tools? I will write more on this soon. Thanks for your comments.
So beautiful. My beloved Dad, aged 95 just emailed me in response to this post. It’s been a hard week: “You know that ageing is not just physical but mental and spiritual. One impacts the other. Resilience is not automatic but is like the last few metres of a run or a climb. It leaves you breathless and panting and aching. The older you are the harder it gets.” 🥰🤗🫶
What great insight. It reminded me of our trip to the Bamboo Forest in Hana Hawaii. We hiked the trail to the waterfall last year and we couldn't believe how hard it was compared to when we did it 11 years earlier! It was a piece of cake back then; this time it was a struggle!
It’s hard to address loss of fitness particularly at my Dad’s age.. Hope you keep hiking Lynda!
Hello again readers. You might be interested in this article which is along the lines of what I tried to say. Let's keep the conversation going! All views are welcome.
I've actually bought Berit Lewis's book (mentioned in the link) and I'll post a review in a few weeks.
https://psyche.co/ideas/rather-than-fearing-getting-old-heres-how-to-embrace-it #ageing #aging
Jane, A wonderful article. I'm pushing 74 and the awareness of my mortality smacked me on the head when my sis died last year at 77, the last of our family. It's been a struggle but after almost a year has passed I am looking at my life as instead of entering art shows, and doing stuff for myself, I want to do more for others. Work on enriching those relationships I have now, and also learning new things. I'm never going to roller blade again, run any races, or climb that tall ladder and clean gutters, but I still have a lot of things I can do. I'm fortunate I can afford good health insurance, healthy food, and a safe place to sleep. I'm embracing this time of life as best I can, doing what I can do, being as active as possible, but realizing as with the roller blades, some things I used to love to do are no longer a wise choice.
Hello again, Jane. I have enjoyed your newsletters, particularly about your Mum and the Shanghai connection. I have a soft spot for the older Shanghai where I spent about two years in total between 1983 and 1987 - on a World Bank project (supported by Aust-funded) assistance on cleaning up the Huangpu, public transport, traffic management and old terrace housing upgrading. Nothing much had changed in 40+ years and I loved wandering round the old streets.
I took the liberty of passing on one of your newsletters to an old (Brit) friend in HK ... and I quote from his response (he had a journalist background) : "I didn't realise the Hutcheons were an old colonial Shanghai family. They're a dying breed here, literally. Towards the end of her life, Ann Marden (widow of John, last taipan of Wheelock Marden before he sold it to Y.K. Pao in the mid-1980s) was a friend of ours, a stalwart of our CNY barbecues and hostess of many a convivial lunch party in her huge garden at Shek O. Ann was born in Shanghai (as was her husband) and spent only brief periods of her life outside China/HK. She died in 2022 aged 96. Because of covid there a family-only funeral but we attended a memorial service for her last year. The top echelons turned out in force: Carrie Lam to the fore. Ann was a very nice lady, much involved in charitable causes. She had a caustic sense of humour, sometimes missed by people who were fooled by her gentle manner."
All the best, John
You are in that transition stage - and as with any transition (child to teen for example) comes increased anxiety. My advice (now in mid 70s) is to be wary of letting anxiety rule your thoughts or actions on anything. It will affect them, but it can become the boss if your not watching for it.
I find the trick to lowering anxiety about something is not treat all those questions as rhetorical "OMG" questions, but as genuine questions and then find genuine answers to them. It sounds like that's exactly what you intend to do Jane.
And don't be talked into decline by those around you - I sometimes can't recall things - but then I recall that as a teenager, before exams I could hardy recall the stuff I just studied the night before. I forget names - but always have and I'm actually better at name recall now than I was when younger. I work on it now and take less things for granted, especially fitness. We get away with self neglect when we are young but not as we age, so I am finding that I have gained an appreciation of the way bodies work, now that I have to give it some focus.
It is not all loss (unless we just focus on loss).
Importantly - you need a sense of humour to age (any age) successfully. Humour is like life's binoculars - it enables you to see things beyond the anxiety.
Thanks so much for your response. I think sometimes readers think the writing is the writer, Neil, but I appreciate your goodwill and you make some good observations. Many thanks.
Different perspectives, but do not mean to appear selfish. I'm healthy, eat "sensibly", reasonably fit and active in all sorts of things. Although most of my friends and associates are 65+, I tend to avoid ageing/ ageist subjects. PS. Jane, we met on a Sydney tram near QVB about a year ago and had a nice chat, mainly about Hong Kong. I'm 85.
Hi John, I remember you and nice to hear from you. You looked in excellent form then and I hope you are going well now. Thanks for joining the conversation.
I wanted to protect everyone’s privacy on wordpress so I dialled the privacy settings up to the point where I worked with a small group, rather than post publicly.
My mindset is to take advantage of my capabilities which help me to feel well. I respond well to taking part in team sports eg doubles badminton, petanique. I am not in denial about the slowing aspects of ageing but I also know that it is possible to continue to be a productive contributor but at a more gradual pace.
Team sports are great. You are doing everything you can! Kudos to you Carolyn.
Sixty next year and improving with age (and in my usefulness as well). My hands haven’t experienced the hardships my father’s hands had but I feel I carry a certain amount of his experience, either epi-genetically or in my personality framework. I have felt its burden for many years. As I age and understand more, I feel this burden (and it’s stigma) lifting. Or maybe it IS resilience.
Love your words (and your father’s) Jane
Good one Bruno. You are on the right path. And we need to support each other.
Aw, shucks. Thank you for the mention, Jane. We agree that there's something important happening in how we look at knowledge, purpose, and lifespan. Here at Projectkin.substack.com we focus on family storytelling. We talk about technology mostly to make it disappear. It shouldn't get in the way of the important work of storytelling.
Unfortunately, it does get in the way.
Collaborating and supporting each other we can help contextualize and explain these new widgets while focusing on the stories. We can remind each other what's important about the stories and stay focused. Storytelling makes the most of our acquired knowledge while minimally affected by our somewhat limited physical strength. It's a wonderful use of time during this precious period.
Aging is a completely natural process and we know our time in this juvenile phase is limited. At some point, our faculties will weaken, but not yet. Our skills and careers have been established, and we're no longer bothered by petty vanities. Our progeny are generally grown. They need our support, but not our hovering.
This is such an important time. Let's make the most of it. 🎉
Loved year One. Why not look at older people doing well rather than those who have got stuck.
Nice to hear from you, Mike. I am a big admirer of your work, as you know. I feel as if there is a lot of 'inspiration' out there but not a lot about mindset. And I need to be first in line. We can't all go to MEA although it would be great to build something like that. Here in AU it seems we like to offer older Australians lots of alcohol and insurance. Why not offer more tools? I will write more on this soon. Thanks for your comments.
Hello. I am 69, and semi retired. I want to be a useful person. I hope that I can always find ways to be useful.
Best to you Jane.
Go Russell! 🙂