I feel like I am running a marathon and grief is running along side of me. I try to quicken up, get ahead, but it comes back to join me in the race. In the last 5 years I have lost three great friends, my mother and father in law. My Cousin and the one that I deal with everyday , my beautiful 31 year old son. I have started a little business called “ It’s my grief, not yours” . It’s really just an excuse to go to lunch. Someone had heard that I had lost my son and went on to tell me that they know how I feel as they had lost their Cat recently. Now as terrible as that comment may seem, I put it into context. Everyone’s grief is different and that cat was a family member to that person. I understood. I guess what I have learnt and have never done, is that when someone is telling you about their grief, let them have their time. Don’t try and bring your loss into the conversation. Bring yours up another time. Be respectful, sometimes we just need others to know how we are feeling and that its all part of the grieving process by verbalising. Having said that, sharing your individual stories here with Jane is important. Putting pen to paper , for me, has been the best coping mechanism that gets me through each day. Thank you all and thank you Jane. Xx
I just love this concept of grief having an age. And the notion of leaving a memorial service and feeling so “held.” That's so beautiful, I'm in tears…🥹 In a good way. Thank you.
Hi Jane, I lost my Mum in December 2022 after caring for her for 3 years. Not having any close family to share the grief that I feel has been difficult. Reading the series of articles regarding the show about your Mum's life and the articles about your grief, has been very helpful to me.
I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. You can also tell her story. And talk about her, but not having family around is certainly difficult. If I can help you with your Mum’s story, please let me know. Regards Jane
My mother died in 1996, I am coming up to her age now and find myself reflecting on my relationship with her, and our family. As well as being aware that life is so unpredictable, we are like a flickering candle. I mother had strength to find enjoyment in nature growing vegetables & fruit. The expression of love was rich and complex.The richness and delight she had in life, yet she experienced the constant doubt of her life. As a young woman with six children, having under go the first trails of chemo and then into a TB clinic for an extended period of time.
I work with families around grief, one of the biggest suffering, in a strange way it's not the grief loss but people a avoiding mentioning the person has died. The richness of life includes that people dies, and we then need to adjust our minds and hold onto our stories that make us who we are.
Jane, Grief is interesting. We all walk through grief differently, and most of us, regardless of our relationship with that significant other, have to ride the waves until they finally sail out to sea. I love that you say you "grow around the grief." That is so true. Thanks for this post.
What a lovely piece of writing. Tears still fall for both my mother and brother who died 26 and 20 years ago respectively. Not so my dad who died 50 years ago, sometimes I wonder why. But I can cry thinking that maybe one day either my husband or myself will not be here to hold one another.
Thank you, Jane. This is a touching post. I will pull this email out again in October, being the 6th anniversary of my dear Mum's passing, to comfort me.
Hi Jane,my Mum passed Easter Sunday 3 years ago,Dad followed her in July same year,so coming up 3 yrs also.He died of a broken heart,so his grief,and to watch him give up was horrible.I now just think how lucky I (and siblings) I was to have such wonderful parents who loved each, other and us.I still talk to their photos when I have the urge, it's not grief anymore,I just feel their love and know that they cared for us,and gave me the strength to live my life now without them.NEVER forgotten,because they are and always will be with me.Everyone is different and I hope you ease into your acceptance
Grief floods into my life like a reservoir held back by a dam. I occasionally open the spillway; but not very often. It is therapeutic however to spill over the dam wall occasionally. But I don’t do it very often, I don’t like the clean up.
But I do frequently talk to my kids about mum and dad. It reminds them that we use to be kids as well. Just like them.
Grief is a tough task master.
It’s a casserole of tough to chew meat, mixed with vegetables that are meant to be good for you, and a flavour you miss when you don’t have one for a while.
Any way that’s my thoughts. I’m sleeping today for night shift but I woke briefly for a drink and saw your email. It was nice to read and beautiful to spend some time reflecting on my mum and dad.
Hello Rob. I too enjoyed reading your comments as I prepare for the inevitably busy week ahead. I love the idea of grief as a reservoir held back by a dam. An excellent description. Hope all is well in your world. Thanks for reading.
I feel like I am running a marathon and grief is running along side of me. I try to quicken up, get ahead, but it comes back to join me in the race. In the last 5 years I have lost three great friends, my mother and father in law. My Cousin and the one that I deal with everyday , my beautiful 31 year old son. I have started a little business called “ It’s my grief, not yours” . It’s really just an excuse to go to lunch. Someone had heard that I had lost my son and went on to tell me that they know how I feel as they had lost their Cat recently. Now as terrible as that comment may seem, I put it into context. Everyone’s grief is different and that cat was a family member to that person. I understood. I guess what I have learnt and have never done, is that when someone is telling you about their grief, let them have their time. Don’t try and bring your loss into the conversation. Bring yours up another time. Be respectful, sometimes we just need others to know how we are feeling and that its all part of the grieving process by verbalising. Having said that, sharing your individual stories here with Jane is important. Putting pen to paper , for me, has been the best coping mechanism that gets me through each day. Thank you all and thank you Jane. Xx
I love this comment, Damien. I am sorry to hear about your son. You are right. You can't do the grief-jousting. It doesn't work.
What a lovely story
I just love this concept of grief having an age. And the notion of leaving a memorial service and feeling so “held.” That's so beautiful, I'm in tears…🥹 In a good way. Thank you.
Thank-you Barbara.
Hi Jane, I lost my Mum in December 2022 after caring for her for 3 years. Not having any close family to share the grief that I feel has been difficult. Reading the series of articles regarding the show about your Mum's life and the articles about your grief, has been very helpful to me.
Thanks so much.
Kindest regards,
Jack.
Hi Jack,
I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. You can also tell her story. And talk about her, but not having family around is certainly difficult. If I can help you with your Mum’s story, please let me know. Regards Jane
My mother died in 1996, I am coming up to her age now and find myself reflecting on my relationship with her, and our family. As well as being aware that life is so unpredictable, we are like a flickering candle. I mother had strength to find enjoyment in nature growing vegetables & fruit. The expression of love was rich and complex.The richness and delight she had in life, yet she experienced the constant doubt of her life. As a young woman with six children, having under go the first trails of chemo and then into a TB clinic for an extended period of time.
I work with families around grief, one of the biggest suffering, in a strange way it's not the grief loss but people a avoiding mentioning the person has died. The richness of life includes that people dies, and we then need to adjust our minds and hold onto our stories that make us who we are.
What a rich comment Peter. Thank you. I will certainly be more attentive to this, thanks to you.
You are so right Peter, no one ever brings up the loss of my son, ever. Except me.
You should bring up your son, Damien. Don't let the silence of others concern you.
Thank you Jane, I will from now on.
Jane, Grief is interesting. We all walk through grief differently, and most of us, regardless of our relationship with that significant other, have to ride the waves until they finally sail out to sea. I love that you say you "grow around the grief." That is so true. Thanks for this post.
Thank-you Lynda.
What a lovely piece of writing. Tears still fall for both my mother and brother who died 26 and 20 years ago respectively. Not so my dad who died 50 years ago, sometimes I wonder why. But I can cry thinking that maybe one day either my husband or myself will not be here to hold one another.
Thank you, Jane. This is a touching post. I will pull this email out again in October, being the 6th anniversary of my dear Mum's passing, to comfort me.
Warmest,
Carmel
thank-you Carmel. It’s for all the people we love.
Hello Jane,
You do mention philosophy and conversations.
Listening to you and reading about others experiences of grief, in this space is helpful.
I have accepted that there are nine hallmarks of ageing. So I am doing everything I can to promote healthy ageing.
And I supported my Mum in any aspect of healthy ageing that she chose.
Hi Jane,my Mum passed Easter Sunday 3 years ago,Dad followed her in July same year,so coming up 3 yrs also.He died of a broken heart,so his grief,and to watch him give up was horrible.I now just think how lucky I (and siblings) I was to have such wonderful parents who loved each, other and us.I still talk to their photos when I have the urge, it's not grief anymore,I just feel their love and know that they cared for us,and gave me the strength to live my life now without them.NEVER forgotten,because they are and always will be with me.Everyone is different and I hope you ease into your acceptance
Thank-you Bill. Your parents sound wonderful.
Hi Jane
Thanks for the post.
I miss my mum and dad most days.
Grief floods into my life like a reservoir held back by a dam. I occasionally open the spillway; but not very often. It is therapeutic however to spill over the dam wall occasionally. But I don’t do it very often, I don’t like the clean up.
But I do frequently talk to my kids about mum and dad. It reminds them that we use to be kids as well. Just like them.
Grief is a tough task master.
It’s a casserole of tough to chew meat, mixed with vegetables that are meant to be good for you, and a flavour you miss when you don’t have one for a while.
Any way that’s my thoughts. I’m sleeping today for night shift but I woke briefly for a drink and saw your email. It was nice to read and beautiful to spend some time reflecting on my mum and dad.
Hello Rob. I too enjoyed reading your comments as I prepare for the inevitably busy week ahead. I love the idea of grief as a reservoir held back by a dam. An excellent description. Hope all is well in your world. Thanks for reading.