Hi Jane, thanks for your thoughtful article about “tip toeing “ when talking or writing with family and friends. I had my own approach when communicating with some people- if I’m uncomfortable with some people I learned to keep polite distance from them. This essentially meant cut back the time of contact. See them sometimes , and keep meeting relatively short. With less chance for conversation to Segway into topic that potentially might cause conflict to erupt. There was a need for this with some family members I decided over the years . When my father passed, I chose not to contribute to his obituary. I thought polite silence was appropriate at that time. Other family members were happy to speak their thoughts. And that was enough I rightly decided. Yes, polite distance in life and in death .
Mmm...interesting...i worked with a Finnish lady in a refugee camp once...and perhaps misunderstood her directness...but as u say...its a thing for them.
Education wise... the Finns are leaving the world in their wake...
I wonder if directness has something to do with that.
Thanks so much D. It’s a very good point you make. It was funny watching local people trying to do small talk… for tourists. A completely unnatural act!
When I was at College we spent a semester studying conflict resolution, however, I have found that rarely do people want to resolve conflict. They don’t want to have hard conversations and talk things through. They would rather go off in a huff, harbour hurt feelings, rather than sit down and hash things out. A lot of times people would rather be a victim rather than a person who listens with an open heart, acknowledges their humanness and works towards resolution. We should still be able to love one another, be kind to one another but still have hard conversations.
Once again, brilliant, @Jane Hutcheon. Yes, certainly I'm absolutely thrilled to be hosting this incredible series for you starting in October. So often it is on losing a loved one that a new order sets in with a family where new rules are established for acceptable conversations. That person-who-shall-not-be-named, can now be named. The wound can finally heal.
To your point about "Tip-toeing" as "a convoluted way of getting a message across," gosh yes. It took me years of adulthood to realize how protocols had blurred into passive-aggressiveness.
Thanks Barb. I’m delighted to be at the Projectkin table for Forget-Me-Knot! And yes, it’s takes some adulting to stop tip-toeing. Wish it was acquired earlier!
I love your reply Ann. I think we could have lots of difficult (and interesting) conversations together! I often think people who are conflict averse have an imprint of something that went wrong. For me, if I can possibly not carry a burden, I would rather not! Hope you are well.
Hi Jane, thanks for your thoughtful article about “tip toeing “ when talking or writing with family and friends. I had my own approach when communicating with some people- if I’m uncomfortable with some people I learned to keep polite distance from them. This essentially meant cut back the time of contact. See them sometimes , and keep meeting relatively short. With less chance for conversation to Segway into topic that potentially might cause conflict to erupt. There was a need for this with some family members I decided over the years . When my father passed, I chose not to contribute to his obituary. I thought polite silence was appropriate at that time. Other family members were happy to speak their thoughts. And that was enough I rightly decided. Yes, polite distance in life and in death .
Regards Jane
Laurie ABELA
Hi Laurie, so nice to hear from you as always. So interesting what you’ve said. I may contact you to ask you more! I hope all is well with you.
Mmm...interesting...i worked with a Finnish lady in a refugee camp once...and perhaps misunderstood her directness...but as u say...its a thing for them.
Education wise... the Finns are leaving the world in their wake...
I wonder if directness has something to do with that.
Beaut story Jane. 🙏🏾🐱🙏🏾🐱🙏🏾😎
Thanks so much D. It’s a very good point you make. It was funny watching local people trying to do small talk… for tourists. A completely unnatural act!
When I was at College we spent a semester studying conflict resolution, however, I have found that rarely do people want to resolve conflict. They don’t want to have hard conversations and talk things through. They would rather go off in a huff, harbour hurt feelings, rather than sit down and hash things out. A lot of times people would rather be a victim rather than a person who listens with an open heart, acknowledges their humanness and works towards resolution. We should still be able to love one another, be kind to one another but still have hard conversations.
Once again, brilliant, @Jane Hutcheon. Yes, certainly I'm absolutely thrilled to be hosting this incredible series for you starting in October. So often it is on losing a loved one that a new order sets in with a family where new rules are established for acceptable conversations. That person-who-shall-not-be-named, can now be named. The wound can finally heal.
To your point about "Tip-toeing" as "a convoluted way of getting a message across," gosh yes. It took me years of adulthood to realize how protocols had blurred into passive-aggressiveness.
Thanks Barb. I’m delighted to be at the Projectkin table for Forget-Me-Knot! And yes, it’s takes some adulting to stop tip-toeing. Wish it was acquired earlier!
I love your reply Ann. I think we could have lots of difficult (and interesting) conversations together! I often think people who are conflict averse have an imprint of something that went wrong. For me, if I can possibly not carry a burden, I would rather not! Hope you are well.